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chanyado

I have three default modes when I encounter Kenyan police. These are mostly tried and tested, accrued over the years.

Mode 1:
Assume supreme humility, sincere apology oozing from every syllable that you utter. Shape your lips into utter deference, the perfect pout for some prime ass kissing. Let the policeman feel superior. Make him feel he is the better person; an understanding, benevolent being displaying compassion for the crime breaking, disgusting specimen of a citizen you are. Do not raise an eyebrow. Do not under any circumstances allow a sneer to stealthily creep over your face.

Mode 2:
Assume church-like mix of self-righteousness and sheer indignation. Drop terms like Noble Profession, Patriotic, Our Country, Ashamed. Let them linger, allow the silence to crawl up his spine. If things get ugly, surreptitiously yet conspicuously (a hard balance to find) make a big show of looking at his badge number and…

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